Structure Lackiture
Oh my god…my latest look at the calendar immediately caused a minor panic. August is very nearly over and I’m sitting here scratching my head and wondering what happened to it. Of course, there are details that lead to it slipping so quietly into the night like, oh, the complete lack of summer here (no complaints from me) or the fact that the Cleveland Indians suck so bad this year that it’s as though baseball never even happened. Usually I’m keenly aware of August’s presence because I’m sitting in a pool of my own sweat and talking about magic numbers.
But also, I just finished my 1-year fellowship yesterday and now I’m standing squarely in front of one year of my own making. Yes, I have deadlines and things that I have to shoot for…but I also have nothing forcing me to do it, which is the space that little impish voice in my head needs to say things like, “I wonder what New Zealand looks like,” or “The Lost marathon is on today.” I’ve worked hard learning how to cage that voice and I think it’ll be okay this time around…but seriously. I hope it’ll be okay this time.
I just relish those times when I get the commentary that sounds something like, “Oh, Katie, what I wouldn’t give to have your schedule.” Hmmm. Yep. For one week it’s incredible. After that…I imagine it’s what a black hole looks like from the inside.