Universal Power and Control
Yesterday, I was headed over to the eye doctor for some new, exorbitantly expensive contact lenses when I saw possibly the greatest vehicle I’ve ever come across. A silver Dodge Utilivan pulled up next to me and I never would have noticed it had it not roared past me, displaying it’s company to be “Universal Power and Control.” There was a ladder on top…it was an electrician…or was it.
That made my whole day…as did my ridiculous knee-jerk reaction that was, “How do I work there?” I don’t know how to do anything electrical…but I’m willing to be an apprentice just so I can drive that truck around Chicago. Brilliant.
Of course, the irony was not lost on me…in fact, the whole episode was nothing but ironic since for the past 7-8 weeks my whole life has been one big shitstorm of unknowing; Universal Power and Control has been my sad, pathetic mantra. I’d do just about anything to get it at this point. And whenever I’m clinging on so tightly to that need to control, I just know that whether I like it or not something profoundly chaos-enducing will surely happen. I just need to let it go a bit. There is a balance to all of these things.
So this morning as I was standing (okay more like trembling) in “vertical splits pose”–the one I’ve also heard called “needle”–I realized two things. First, I came to accept the fact that I cannot have universal power and control. Actually, I’m not even sure I’d want universal power and control–I mean, really, wasn’t that what the entire movie Aladdin was all about? [Sidebar: is anyone else as shocked as I am that the entirety of the western world has been saying this name wrong...and that it's -ah-la-DEEN....not ah-LAD-din? Thanks again Disney for creating another lie my whole life is tremulously built upon. End Sidebar]. My greater insight, though, is that I already have universal power and control–but it’s really only over my universe which is mildly annoying but a step in the right direction.
I’ve been sweating blood over the past couple weeks, especially when it comes to people moving and moving on. It seems there’s a lot of this going on. I feel adrift in their seas…at their whim…I’m floundering. Except, while suffering through breathing in “needle pose,” I began to think that the power I have in these situations refers specifically to my ability to trust them. I have the power to trust the people who are moving and moving on. If I can stop fixating on the circumstances [moving and moving on] and focus on the people [trusting they will show me the loyalty I show them], then the situation becomes more manageable. The people define the circumstances. If I empower them to do that, I can breathe a little easier, at least for now…by that I mean this second. I’m trying to work up to a minute.
One of the greatest comforts I find in yoga is that these systems of thought are ancient…and they seem almost tailored to me in this day and age. If Buddhist monks on the mountain a thousand years ago were fixated on how, exactly, to live in the here and now and not slip carelessly into the future or past, then…well…good for me. I really am human.
And I still want that Universal Power and Control truck. It’s just to tempting NOT to think about…