Getting What They Want
I can’t say for sure but I think I was born without the gene that motivates me to get what I want. I only say this because I’m consistently amazed with the ability of others to get what they want. Amazed. Mystified even.
Take, for example, a woman I worked with about 10 years ago. At that point she was 40ish (I think…oh man…), single, and, to be frank, really bossy bordering on obnoxious. At that point in time she talked about getting married and having kids and people (including this people) rolled their eyes and couldn’t help but think, “Riiiiiight…okey doke.” Well, who’s laughing now, friends? It ain’t me. This woman not only is married but adopted a child and now…she has the family she always talked about. The one that everyone doubted. She made it happen. I’m amazed by that.
Probably one of the keys to this is identifying what you want but that’s part of my own mystification. How do “people” know what they want? On any given day I have no less than 3 ideas for career paths, life choices, and ways to keep things interesting. All of them seem feasible. All seem somewhat interesting at the very least. And yet, I still cannot say with any resolve that I “want” particular things; I really feel like I don’t know what I want. And I’ve always felt this way.
I shouldn’t be surprised, I suppose. The other day I was eating lunch with a friend and he asked whether I wanted to sit on the patio or inside. ”Inside,” I said without hesitation and he starting laughing hysterically.
“Why are you laughing at me…is it my hair,” I wondered out loud.
“I’m just surprised.”
“Why…’cuz I want to sit inside…because we can sit outside if you want.”
“No,” he said. “I’m surprised you made a decision.”
Huh…story of my life. Making decisions seems to be the key to honing in on what you want but I’m completely unthrilled by that idea. How am I supposed to know what I should do? I don’t know. I envy the people who so clearly say things like, “I’ve always wanted to be a mother” or “the only thing I’ve ever been interested in is becoming a doctor.” I can only say my experience has been the opposite; there are literally 2039874 things I want to be before I cash it in. How in god’s name does one choose which direction to go?!? (I’m also a little frustrated because I surely thought this would work itself out in time…I figured when I got “older” I’d get more focused…ummmm…no. Once again…the opposite.)
I’m ending this particular post because I know I want a snack before bed.
I just don’t know what it will be.