When Friends Are Asses Vol. IV
It has been awhile, hasn’t it…since the last “friends can be asses” installment? I knew it was only a matter of time.
In my last post, I discussed the disrupted communication chain when a friend of mine chose not to answer an e-mail. At that point I was annoyed. So, what does any self-respecting neurotic do? Of course, I called. And the phone call went unreturned. Panic ensued.
I suppose I shouldn’t be so anxious. So what? So he didn’t call back? Big deal. But, oh…it was a BIG deal to me. An unreturned e-mail is one thing; maybe something got lost or it was forgotten. Okay. But an unreturned phone call?!? No, no. This was not good from someone who meticulously returns every phone call ever received, even from people he actively dislikes. I was sincerely worried this non-return was meaningful.
Such was the case that I was scheduled to run into said unresponsive friend later in the week but by the time that happened worry and annoyance turned into a roiling, white-hot fury. (There were other things going on, of course. This isn’t my usual reaction to this type of thing…but he stepped into it big time.) The fury stemmed from my feeling completely ignored (cue the “Fatal Attraction soundbite, “I will NOT be IGNORED.” This is why I worry about myself). This was an active non-communication. Thus, the following equations sums up how that scheduled meeting went:
Katie’s white hot fury + Friend’s pretending nothing was out of the usual = Katie’s Icy Cold, White Hot Fury Smile.
(I knew how it felt on the inside and I’m not lying when I tell you I scared myself. I wouldn’t have wanted to be the one receiving it.) If you know me personally, I’m generally pretty warm and friendly…generally. When I’m angry, imagine that warm friendliness collapsing in on itself and turning inside out into Ice Queen meets Psycho Killer. It’s not one of my prouder traits. Cue his panic. I felt vindicated for 2.5 seconds and then I felt like I just kicked a dog or something. I proceeded to be Ice Queen for roughly five minutes and then realized 1) it was stupid and 2) I couldn’t keep it up for a prolonged period of time and I was having a hard time breathing, so I decided to cave. He knew right away what I was upset about. Of course he knew. His reason for non-response…”I was busy.”
Oh man. White hot fury momentarily returned.
We discussed and I hated myself the whole time because I sounded like one big “woman” cliche…in the end, the point that was taken was it would’ve been better to respond quickly and say he was busy than do nothing. He apologized…of his own volition. Case closed.
I’ll tell ya. I’m a sociologist by training and I’m taught that nothing is really “inherent” when it comes to behavior. But this is such a GUY thing to do it makes me ill. I don’t have women friends who don’t respond. In fact, the opposite is usually true with them…when I’m pissed or they’re pissed we have to talk it out to the death. But this whole, “I was busy so I couldn’t take 3 nanoseconds to just tell you that.”…I literally think its the presence of testicles that gives one courage to use that intensely ridiculous excuse. This, I believe, probably forms the history of the phrase, “it takes balls to…”
The real coda to all of this is that said friend of course redeemed himself in a really shining fashion and I think in some ways that takes balls too…it’s a lesser ball achievement but a noteworthy one nonetheless. And as I work back through the archive of all of the “friends are asses” posts, they usually end with redemption. So, this is more a chronicle and less a complaint.
But friends really can be asses sometimes*. Whew.
*Of course, in the same breath I’d acknowledge that this particular friend could write a magnum opus called “When Katie’s are Asses.” This may be the true firmament upon which our friendship is built. We both have the potential to be incredible asses.