To Hell With Not Questioning…I Want Answers and I Want ‘Em Now
The funny thing about insight is that I can have it firmly in my grasp one moment and the next thing I know it’s poof, gone. What the hell?
Today I want answers. I’ve been trying (and actually succeeding) about being more Zen about accepting what’s coming at me and living with decisions and, while I vaguely remember that, the actual content of those insights is incredibly gone from my head. It feels like I’m back at square one today.
And here’s why. This always happens to me. At the point I was having insight, everything was theoretical. No changes happening. Today the changes are real…I’ve hit those “markers” of time that I set weeks or days ago and now it’s real. Before it was an idea. Today it’s anxiety. I guess it’s good to have the insights first…at least I can harken back to them and no matter how crazy they sound now, at least I know I thought them and that I do possess the ability to think them again…if I try…real hard.
Change is hard. Uncertainty is hard. Working to fight a knee-jerk panic reaction is very hard. And while I know that what’s transpiring here today–school-related, friend-related, me-related–will absolutely work out in the end…
…today it feels not good. And the challenge is working through…