Teaching as Group Therapy
The start of school. There’s nothing like it, although it never feels real until 1) after Labor Day and 2) after the weather starts to act like fall. But regardless, I’m teaching 5 days a week this Fall (a tremendous increase from what I was doing last year) and I’m just really happy about it. And relieved, actually.
The longer I’m in grad school (and it’s getting very long…this is the start of my 6th year) the more real the toll of working solitarily starts to take hold. Writing is an isolating process–alone with my ideas all day–and I’ve noticed an interesting phenomenon when it comes to writing–it actually makes me a fragile person. I’ m moody and emotional. I’m restless and discontented. It’s taken a long time for me to realize that this isn’t something I’ve become totally; it’s only who I am when the overwhelming weight of this “dissertation” takes hold. And as it turns out, teaching is the natural counterpoint to writing. Through it I personally find a great balance. It is therapeutic…and not in a needy sort of way. It’s the space I need to synthesize things. I think it’s the best of both worlds when both student and teacher can benefit from the experience. Things “get done.”
I also happen to be teaching at 8am on MWF, so that means a lot of early mornings are in my future. There was a time I would be less than thrilled with that proposition…and I am epically tired today (the 2nd day of school) because I still can’t make myself fall asleep in enough time to get in the recommended 8, but eventually exhaustion will take over and I’ll get to where I need to be. But the thing with mornings is that it’s really the best of myself. Though I always thought I was a night person, I think I’m actually a very, very early person. It’s the time when the weight and worries of the day haven’t formed yet…I’m very clear (surprisingly clear) at that hour. It’s been a nice discovery.
So far, I’m into both my classes at two different schools and I can’t deny the fact that this turn of events…going back into the classroom…has been nothing short of a godsend. This will be exactly how this dissertation gets done. I’m committing it to writing so that every time I get coerced to think about another way I can return here and remember this. For good.
I’m a teacher. And with students is where I need to be.