My Tent on The Beach

I just found myself engaging in “Facebook Debate” with strangers over whether or not a middle school principal should have suggested to parents that they remove their kids from Facebook and Myspace and had to forcible stop myself.  I was getting worked up…over the opinions of strangers…many of them apparently mentally impaired.

And this is when I remembered that I do have a choice whether or not to get into these things…thus I pulled the plug and ran to my blog to reflect on the things I can routinely cut out of my life and not suffer from their loss.

This has been an excellent week.  One of the more excellent ones I can remember.  But not extraordinary…it’s been a typical week.  Untypical, however, has been my approach to it.  As I more consciously think about and attempt to seek that which makes me happy, I’ve realized that I’ve also thoughtfully chosen to leave a few things out and it’s made all the difference.  Allow me to explain.

1. Facebook. Much like the principal, I’ve cut back on the ol’ F’book and my life is qualitatively better.  Facebook, I’ve decided, disrupts the space/time continuum.  Because it immediately brings an abnormal number of people into my present, I get superficially involved in too much…too much gossip, too many partial stories, too much irrelevant news, too many irrelevant people.  Why do I care or get upset that Tiffany Vogt (who I absolutely do not know) is annoyed about something?  Yet Facebook allows me to enter into that.  It’s overload.  Is it ironic that I’ll post a link to this blog on Facebook? Yeah, probably.  But I’m not dwelling on the link…that’s the key.

2. Reality TV. I know, I feel like a traitor.  But I was watching Real Housewives of Whatever yesterday and it was so catty and wrong.  We somehow find it interesting when people are 1) really selfish and 2) display it on tv.  Enough.  Bethenny Frankl, I’m done with you.

3. Late Nights. I’ve been falling asleep in front of the tv for the past 2 weeks.  It’s become a joy as I’m watching West Wing (possibly the greatest scripted television show ever) and I’m drifting off at, like, 9:30.  I used to LOVE the 1am hour…and I still do…but it wrecks havoc on everything.  I’m learning to love the 11pm hour (it’s got an extra 1.  How could that be bad?)

4. Gym Time. About 6 weeks ago, I was lamenting my inability to get to the gym.  Since I’ve seen the class side of yoga I’ve been able to admit and embrace an eternal personal truth.  I. HATE. THE. GYM.  I’ve always hated the gym.  It’s always been an obligation. A drudge. Usually a horror.  No more “working out.”  If I can’t find something physical that’s also fun, I’m not looking hard enough.  See ya treadmill.  We’re done.

5. Grudges. Beginning last Thursday (if you need more specifics, I can provide a time and location) I let go of actively despising someone.  Since then, I’ve slept easier.  Grudges just take too much time and energy because they’re passive confrontation.  “I’m mad at you, but I’m not gonna tell you.”  Either confront or let it go.  I let it go. Much better.

6. Pessimism. Hope springs eternal.  I’m not sure exactly what that means but it seems to work here.  Somehow, over time, I’ve come to feel like hope and faith are actually trite and for the naive.  Sadly, though, that also killed any chance for wonder and awe in my life.  I love wonder and awe–it’s the root of why we find fireworks fascinating.  So, maybe the glass is half full.  Maybe it’s not.  But I’ll err on the side of “it is.”

7. Vino. I know, I know.  I love a glass of “somethin’ strong” just as much as the next guy…but it makes me feel like crap.  This really functions as a result of other things (like sleeping better and exercising…I know…who would’ve guessed…blah blah blah) but I’m not missing it and I’m not seeking it out.  If it trips across my path, though, “Well, hello Sauvignon…it’s been a while…sit down…let’s chat.”  The greek ideal of moderation seems to earn its apparent staying power.

8. Acquaintances. People have the power to really bog me down.  I’ve been spring cleaning the ol’ friend book recently.  Either you’re in it to win it or not.  I’m tired of people who don’t return on my investment.  So, only people ready to hang for the long run need apply.  This is primarily a process of letting go of my own expectations for friendships that have just simply run their course.  If you’re wondering whether this is you, it’s probably not.

9. Caffeine. I’ve been drinking almost strictly decaf for months.  Suits me perfectly fine.

10. Inertia. Bodies in motion stay in motion.  Physics…I hate it but it doesn’t mean it’s not true.  Pressing forward is a good thing.  It renews everything.  Keeps you thinking.  I don’t advocate motion for motion’s sake.  But getting stuck in an insurmountable rut is just paralyzing.  Gotta make progress, even if it’s getting to that next disk of the West Wing. There’s a certain brilliance even to that.

These have been the key to this week for me.  And I can do anything for about a week.  But the beauty has been that I haven’t really missed any of these.  Which means next week could look just as good.

Here’s hoping.

Confession: I am a sucker for at-home workout videos.  And I’ve done them all.  It’s almost embarrassing…Rodney Yee–yep, I was doing Power Yoga with him before he was all, “I’m a big yoga creep.” Pilates–Ana Caban is still my girl with all the props.  Tae-Bo with Billy Blanks…yes and yes. And…my favorite…Budakon.  Supposedly, Jennifer Aniston said this made her lose those pesky 30 pounds…you know, the ones that kept her from looking like the skeleton with fantastic hair that she is now.

Anyway, I’ll kill myself to remember the Budakon guy’s name but he is amazing…he’s like some kinda black belt in Tae Kwon Do (I’m sure that’s spelled wrong) but super stretchy so he does yoga too.  This is not the point, however.  My point is he said something in one of the videos (that I basically did for 2 years straight) that has stayed with me.  He used to say, “When you concentrate on something, it expands.” What?

I had images in my head of swirling power energies and chakras and auras and things.  I felt I was out of my element.  It was new agey and weird.  But this little thought has followed me around like a nagging 2-year-old for years.  So finally, I stopped to give it its due and…I think he’s right.

If you concentrate on it, it expands.

Of course.  I’ve been doing this for years but I didn’t know it and actually I think it’s been killing me.  Allow me to demonstrate with…a cheeseburger.  Sorry all one of you vegetarians who may or may not be reading this…but one of the few things I crave hard in this world is cheeseburgers…like the, “I need it now” craving.  Once I’ve established that I need that cheeseburger…it’s all I can think about.  It consumes every other thought.  It’s always poking around from the dark corners of my brain, asserting itself mercilessly on my poor frazzled psyche…until I get it…and then happiness.  The same goes for misery and discontentment and loneliness…all that seem to be conditions brought on by reality but all that are actually my own mantras, allowed to form through the circumstances I’m in.

All of this is a long way to say, I’ve decided to choose happy.  It’s a very conscious decision right now because choosing unhappy is a well-formulated awful habit I’ve picked up.  But I ran a little test experiment not too long ago and, I’ll tell ya what, choosing happy works. I think the key for me was realizing that in my life, the opposite of happy is not unhappy, but worried.  I somehow roll around gloriously in my worry…if I’m not worried, I start to worry that I should be. Frankly, it’s ridiculous.  So, I’ve chosen strategically what and how much I’m allowed to worry about things…and I’ve actually started breathing again and everything.

Choosing happy is not easy.  I’ve been trained in worry.  And I’m good at worry…but it’s only taken about 17 years (alright, alright, 28 years) to realize that it’s not worth it.  There is a time and place for everything.

It’s time to give happy its due.  Thanks Budakon guy…whatever your name is.