It seems I’m always searching for peace. And even when I’ve found peace, I continue to search. Does that mean I haven’t found it? Or I haven’t learned how not to search.
Every time I do yoga, I have an insight. It makes me wonder why I don’t do yoga more although I think one of my more selfish insights is that I have insights that scare me, so I stay away. Today I had the most interesting, morose, wonderful flash dart across my mind while lying in Savasana, somewhere far from here.
I thought of a day when I would be the only one here. When everyone that brings me joy has gone…the reason was not apparently clear. And in true yoga form, I wasn’t sad. I did as I was told and let the thought in but didn’t dwell; I let it pass across my mind and then exit. But I was shocked by it. Where did that even come from. And it occurred to me as though I was an old woman, as though I was remembering fondly the good times, remembering my friends who had been but who were now gone. And I wasn’t sad then either. Contrarily, I felt joy that I had been there and known them and loved them. And I sensed I was alone but I didn’t feel lonely.
And it made me realize that I have love and joy today. And I don’t think I realize that every day. I think I search frantically for a lot of those things and maybe, instead, I should just take a deep breath and look around. I keep looking for something different and not finding it and getting frustrated when, in fact, maybe I have already exactly that for which I’ve been looking all this time.
And then I felt humbled. And very grateful. Namaste.