A Thought

It seems I’m always searching for peace.  And even when I’ve found peace, I continue to search.  Does that mean I haven’t found it?  Or I haven’t learned how not to search.

Every time I do yoga, I have an insight. It makes me wonder why I don’t do yoga more although I think one of my more selfish insights is that I have insights that scare me, so I stay away.  Today I had the most interesting, morose, wonderful flash dart across my mind while lying in Savasana, somewhere far from here.

I thought of a day when I would be the only one here.  When everyone that brings me joy has gone…the reason was not apparently clear. And in true yoga form, I wasn’t sad.  I did as I was told and let the thought in but didn’t dwell; I let it pass across my mind and then exit.  But I was shocked by it.  Where did that even come from.  And it occurred to me as though I was an old woman, as though I was remembering fondly the good times, remembering my friends who had been but who were now gone. And I wasn’t sad then either.  Contrarily, I felt joy that I had been there and known them and loved them.  And I sensed I was alone but I didn’t feel lonely.

And it made me realize that I have love and joy today.  And I don’t think I realize that every day.  I think I search frantically for a lot of those things and maybe, instead, I should just take a deep breath and look around.  I keep looking for something different and not finding it and getting frustrated when, in fact, maybe I have already exactly that for which I’ve been looking all this time.

And then I felt humbled.  And very grateful. Namaste.

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